i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
