I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
as a side note pls kill me
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
