just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
she told me i tasted like america
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
