Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
