I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
It's rum buckets o'clock
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Randomize
