just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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