Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
