Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize