Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I have already put on my inside pants.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
