I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
