i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
