Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
