i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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