I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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