i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
