Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
