No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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