im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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