It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
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