so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
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