Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
If I had your ass I would rule the world
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
The air taste purple.
Randomize
