i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
