'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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