it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
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