glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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