I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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