My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize