Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
