You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
You dont lie about slip and slides
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
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