You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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