I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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