My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
