dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
She's the barista slut.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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