mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
