Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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