you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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