would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
