I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
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