I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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