direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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