dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
