he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
worst night to have a conscience
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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