so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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