Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
