Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
