I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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