from now on my penis is your penis
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Randomize
