is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
