I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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