Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
