If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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