This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Randomize
