I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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