They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
