I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
