wake up i wanna do it froggy style
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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