Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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