I think scott just propositioned me for sex
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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