That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
