He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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