You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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