he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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