i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
