it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Randomize