If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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