She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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