I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Threesome in a minivan. New low
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
