Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize