Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
You are the jesus of drinking
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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