Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
