Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I had to cum in my sink.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
